3.03.2008

Non photos and a wedding question or 3

No exciting weekend stories for you guys. Sorry! I did some stitching, but I don't even have some exciting stitching photos for you. I know, I suck. What I do have for you is some non-exciting, old stitching photos. And maybe if you're lucky a pre-wedding rant; we'll see if blogging is cathartic today or I still feel like dishing.

I've been inspired by some of the blogs I read to revamp the sidebar of my own blog. There's now a "Finishes" section (which might become a finishes/WIP status photo section, it's a wip itself ;)

About a week ago I mailed out 4 packages - 2 to neighboring states and 2 to Canada. With the latest update from Dani, it seems they've all arrived to their new homes safely, and got great reactions :D They arrived in a week or less. The package I mailed to Belgium for the HoE fob exchange? 4 weeks and 6 days and not a word. I hope my partner has just been too busy to blog that it arrived, and that it hasn't gotten lost in the mail....

I've signed up for the HoE biscornu exchange but my LNS doesn't have many biscornu friendly charts available. After some internet surfing I found some gorgeous charts on the Chatelaine website, and I think I'm going to try one of those. But I can't decide which, so I've created my first...

POLL!!!

Can you tell I'm excited about this? Lol. You can click here to see the different options. If you pick any of the last 3 options please leave a comment and explain. Thanks guys! (PS this is a good opportunity to delurk if you've never left a comment yet ;)

[ETA: The poll will close at noon EST on Friday so I can get started stitching it.]

I was driving to work today and listening to the radio. The talk show hosts were talking about the Crocodile guy's widow and for some reason or another they mentioned Brisbane! They even pronounced it the *right* way, Briz-bin. Janet recently told me about Brisbane, proving once again that she's a trendsetter. Well you are like 12+ hours ahead of us, right? Anyway thanks for telling me about Brisbane, because otherwise I'd have had no clue what they were talking about. Lol.

Janet, since you came through for me I'll return the favor. You seemed to want more juicy stories after my last post... well this is all I've got at the moment ;-)

As you might know, my cousin's getting married in about 2 weeks. This is a cousin on my dad's side of the family, my dad's brother's kid. My dad and uncle only have 4 first cousins (they're all siblings). All of them were invited to the wedding. But there seems to be a disconnect between our wedding customs and theirs... so I'll leave it to you guys to let me know (via comments) who's more off the mark this time around.

First some background...
We all live in NY. They're all in Virginia (and not DC-suburb-VA, but REALY VA)
We're all Orthodox-Jewish and they're another flavor (I think very liberal/secular Conservative)

Ok, on to the story.
As of 3 weeks before the wedding none of them had RSVPed. As of Sunday (2 weeks before), 1 had given a no, 1 a non-answer, 1 is MIA and 1 is trying to arrange her schedule, which I can understand. But the 2 non-replies? Dudes it's a yes or no question, my uncle has better things to do then hound you for answers.
The non-answerer hasn't answered because he's pissed that he wasn't invited as So-and-so with guest. He's single. Not sure if it's an Orthodox thing, an NY thing, or a combo, but the norm here is no ring => no invite for the S.O. At the moment he doesn't even have a GF. Is that such an unusual rule?
Speaking of no ring => no invite, 1 cousin's daughter mentioned to me that if her mom can come but not her dad, she'll go with her mom to the wedding instead. She wasn't invited herself. I'm sorry, did I miss the announcement that wedding invitations were now transferable? Because I thought, and my mom agrees, that they put the names of the people that they want to show up on the envelope, and there's no substitutions allowed. Or are we crazy?

I actually really like all these cousins and hope they all show up for the wedding, but it just seems kinda weird to me. Waiting to hear what you guys have to say....

8 comments:

Kendra said...

I don't know if this is right/wrong/whatever, but I'll answer your wedding scenario questions with what is common from the weddings I've been to/been involved with.

First scenario...send an invite to a single person with a known SO to either "Person and Person's SO" or "Person and Guest". If there is no known SO, or no SO, then I've seen it done both ways - to just "Person" and also to "Person and Guest", giving Person the option of taking a date.

Second scenario...I've seen (and done) the guest-switch thing. For example, my parents were invited to a wedding of a friend of my sister's, but my dad wasn't exactly keen on going to the wedding where he didn't really know the people. So I went in his place. Now, I didn't go in my dad's place, and take along my husband and a couple of kids...we just did a single person switch-up.

That's what's accepted around here. Course we could be a bunch of ignorant backwards hilljacks, too... :-)

K in NY said...

Actually, I was thinking that as New Yorker we're probably more cynical and read too much into things. There's also a different set of customs in every part of the country, which has nothing to do with being backwards! Thanks for your feedback Kendra

Jennifer said...

I have ZILLIONS of freebies - let me know when you're looking for stuff. I've been itching to stitch some of those Chatelaine designs myself.

As for the wedding thing, when DH and I got married, we had no "and guests" on our list, which pissed some people off. But we felt if it was important enough to invite someone to our wedding, it was important enough to invite them by name. And really, only named guests were invited - you're right, invites are not transferable. We thought long and hard about our guest list and didn't want random people showing up.

We were also a little more lenient with our SO standards. Obviously, living together (in a relationship - not roommates) or engaged couples were invited, as were single people with serious SOs that we invited by name. When DH's cousins got married, DH and I had been together a good 2-3 years at the time, but I was not invited to the wedding because we weren't engaged. Funny thing is - we're married, they were both divorced within a year of their weddings. But because of that, we tried to take serious relationships into consideration as well.

As for the non RSVPers, I HATE THAT!!! How hard is it, especially when there's usually a postage paid card with a Check Yes or No option provided for the guests? Seriously - get off your duffs and send a response. Grrrrrr.

Jacque said...

Weddings..ah...the nightmares! : )

I wanted things low-key, but with a big Italian family there is no such thing. I gave each set of parents a set number (100) that they could invite and the appropriate number of invitations. My parents were great (no shock there), Marc's parents...notsomuch! They used their invitations and then when they ran out....they posted them on a bulletin board at both of their offices so that noone would feel left out or excluded. Even the janitor from his mother's school showed up with his wife and five kids!! Have you ever seen a bride go ballistic five minutes prior to walking down the aisle? Been there, done that and both sets of parents and most of the guests can still repeat exactly what I said!

I say it's their wedding and it is up to them to decide who to invite. It's rude for people to assume they are wanted there ... maybe trading one-for-one is ok, but I think it is just something you have to deal with on the girlfriend/boyfriend issue. I guess that is the beauty of the checkbook...you get to do what you want on your day...unless you have parents/inlaws interfering with your desires.

At least you are getting lots of tips and helpful advice for your special day! : )

tkdchick said...

Hey Kim! Yes thank you the charts arrived pretty quickly. Sorry for the delay, but yours got in the mail yesterday! So start keeping an eye out in a few days!

DaisyGirl said...

Well, down here in GA, the more the merrier, usually get more presents that way. At my wedding, people who were 3rd and 4th cousins or whatever showed up(John's side)no invites to them, didn't even know them, but we did get lots of prezzies and money, so depends on point of view. But that was 21 years ago. Times have changed.
Hope it works out!
Donna

Jennifer said...

OMG - I would have beaten either set of parents within an inch of their lives if they posted a wedding invite on their work bulletin boards!!!! Jacque, how you didn't go right over the edge, I don't know. You must have the patience of a saint!

Janet said...

I'm with you on the wedding thing. Thanks for thinking of me!

here's my contribution:

When we got married, we invited people and their significant others, if they had one. We didn't just do a blanket "& guest" for two reasons:

1. We had both hated receiving "and guest" invitations as, if you were the recipient you needed to find a "rent-a-date" which just made you feel like an even bigger loser. If you were the "rent-a-date" you had to go to a wedding full of strangers and I never felt comfortable meeting the bride and groom for the first time at the reception (not to mention shelling out for the new outfit, cab fares etc).

2. We paid for our own wedding and it was expensive!! We set a limit of 110 people and there were still many more friends that we would have loved to have been there. By eliminating the "and guest" we could free up a place for someone who really meant somethig to us.

I don't feel wedding invitations are transferable either. If someone can't make it, leave the space free for a guest of the couples choosing, they will really appreciate it - as I've said there will be people they have had to leave out.

Oh God, the RSVP thing. We had to chase people (yeah, what's with that???) and, would you believe it, 3 guests who had said they were coming never showed up and never gave an explanation. We also had one guy who hadn't responded (and therefore we hadn't counted him in) call the night before to say he was going to come but his wife had a headache and they now couldn't make it!

Oh, and I love Chatelaines. I have seen both the roses and the violets sticthed up as biscornus (maybe on the Chatelaine Yuku board? The link is on the Chatelaine website) and they are both gorgeous made up. I voted for the roses though, very sweet.

Have you looked at "My Aunts Attic"? heaps of biscornu friendly freebies. I can send the link if you need it.

Wow, they knew how to pronounce Brisbane!! Still it's a bit parroty as the freaky Irwins (it just gets crazier and crazier in the Australia Zoo camp these days and don't even start me on the very scary Bindi) live about an hour outside of Brisbane! However we are so needy we'll take our international love any way we can get it!

See, who needs Perez? You'll get it from me first!!